Monday, July 30, 2007
today i was tired... so so so tired...
i felt myself slipping, feeling small, feeling very very little...
i think i ran away in time before i slipped more, before i embarrassed myself...
i treated myself to a VODA VODA... :D hahaha... just stood at the bus stop and stared and thought, how much am i a laughing stock? how stupid am i simply?
i thought about how much pre-empting i was doing, the things i were doing for the what-ifs... i still stay in church because "what if" one day my relationship with God improves? i don't want to be stuck churchless and stuff... i don't tell some people in the face to F off because "what if" one day i go back to church and become an upright christian again and then i'll have to turn around and say "i'm sorry"... i'm being such an idiot, my life is a twirl of loops and twists and i'm confusing myself...
i felt so so alone today, sitting in my corner in the mrt, i'm just in this state of loss... and i'm in this state cause, it's my fault, not God's fault, it will never be His fault cause he's perfect and i acknowledge that and ... yea it's my fault luh, what stupid thing am i talking about... just... i'm sick of it being my fault? i don't want there to be this thing in my life i just want to get it out...
it was fine, then i slipped, i know it, i just slipped...
i feel like i fell? frustrated, i fell on a pavement? and i got scratched all over, and feeling like... why did this happen? how did this happen? when is it going to end? is there a way out of it? ... then i think... no i'm too lazy to get out of it, i'm fine what, i'm just trudging on in life... no purpose, nothing great just get my diploma and move on...
this is the part where most people would go..." i need a hug " ... hahaha... ummmm, i know i randomly give out mad hugs sometimes... but i think i'm old enough to shrug off a comforting hug... support self emotionally... think i need to do that...
lol! oh thanks samuel for your concern, i was surprised but, that was really nice... hahaha... :P
*sigh* felt good churning it all out... :D hahaha
i don't really thinkg i'm sensitive... or easily hurt... but i think there are people in my life who have major attitudes who rub off on me, and it's very very bad cause i don't know how i react to things, sometimes when they do something to me i may react with a bad attitude or i may not know how to react and end up being insulted and embarrassed...
:: izak blogged @
6:55 AM
Sunday, July 29, 2007
here i am, the laziest boy on earth... hahaha... :P i haven't blogged in ages but then now i'm going to post up my photos and i'm going to make sure that they get up! hahaha... :D
a little update, izak is a happy boy because he has carefree sundays sleeping and moulding on the sofa with his comfy quilt and watching kids central... very contented... :D hahaha...
photos here... ;D
pictures with the classmates... :D
two things:
-we love to wear black
-we love to stick our heads in bags... hehehe
fisheye photos taken on nuo's cam... :D we look like we're at a wedding lah!!!
before and after fotos of my background... hehehe...
THE GANG :D
act rich kids take cab everywhere... hee2
act high class kids take picture in front of fullerton hotel... :D
act cute kids doing a little camwhoring... ;D hee2
WE LOVE YOU! :D
two chinese boys, one red indian
This week is going to be such a crazy week... monday alone just have so many things to do... so i reserve this sunday just for slacking... get some good rest for my pimples... ;D hee2...
yesterday was a good day at attributes, your friendly neighbourhood customer service officer izak teh was going crazy at the counter... hee2... we were going mad i tell you, finally was so burnt out that in the end when we couldn't find the cloth to cover the counter i simply collapsed on the floor like a rag doll... hahaha... so tired so so tired...
haha IZAK'S NEW RESOLUTION... :D haha to use the minimum amount of energy everyday and to not exhaust self... hee2... sleep more... and use less vulgarities... hahahaha...
need a hair cut...
past mth was quite crazy, first time i had an all time low in a long while, i thought i was quite stable already then those old mad moodswings just came over me again... i think i discovered many things about myself during this time and i learnt how to be less dependant on other things than myself.. i don't need all those stuff to be a better person... yeapz... so i'm happy again! :D hahaha jia you izak... haha
was just watching Lovers in Paris... the lady got misunderstood to be a hooker, felt damn sad for her, if i were misunderstood like that i would get very angry and have a fit... hahaha :P
i suddenly miss all my secondary school friends... hahaha, glad that i'm still in contact with those who went to poly and stuff... but i know there's nothing much left to talk about with those who went to jc...haha, i'm not in that system anymore... kinda sad huh... hahaha...
going to have oyster mee sua now with aunt and cousin... :D hahaha going to enjoy the rest of my slacky sunday! :D
KT Tunstall is great, check her out, she's a singer, initially we only knew her as the singer of the "woohoo" song but then i discovered she sang lots of other cool songs.... so she rocks... she's like norah jones but even better..!! hahaha...
need a haircut and new hair colour... :D
:: izak blogged @
12:06 AM
Monday, July 23, 2007
blogger just deleted my post which i put like a tonne of photos into...
damn blogger...
darn blogger...
curse blogger...
:D hahaha okay accumulate more photos and i'll be fine later today... :D hahaha
:: izak blogged @
8:30 PM
okay, after like three weeks of endlessly being down and out and depressed and sad and irritated and spilling vulgarities and expletives and driving everyone i could possibly drive out of my life... i think i can say i've walked out of my depression... well... at least 80% hahaha... :P must've been the good sleep on saturday, it helped... hahaha
anyway, i uploaded tonnes of pics! hahah i know my blog has become a little boring with all the wordiness and ranting and stuff... hahaha guess i'll have to spruce it up with a little pic or two :D ... some are really cool toO! :D hahaha...
i'm so healthy, i ate a piece of watermelon today :D
:: izak blogged @
7:33 AM
Friday, July 20, 2007
yay, it's friday, submissions are over and here i am snugly in my nice warm bed surrounded with all the pillows and bolsters that i can find in the house... nice and comfy...
norah jones ringing in the background...
today i saw alot of people around school... glad to see people... lolz...
kay, here are just some random thoughts from today...
sarah, robin, amanda, lays, yt and zhiying are the cutest people on earth!!!
today in cell group i had a sudden revelation that in the past three weeks i said the F word like four times and used an assortment of curse words at many various points in time... :D
i'm a sinner, izak is a big big sinner... hahaha
i posed in front of the bus for such a long time in the scorching sun while the uncle took his time to adjust his windscreen mirror... pig
my nose was itching all day... crap...
i went to cell group in a sianz mood... tired? i guess...
izak has pimples! help!
:: izak blogged @
8:47 AM
Wednesday, July 11, 2007
i'm just back from a very productive day AWAY from home... haha i am an unproductive freak IN the house i realise so i gotta get out more often... anyway...
I AM A SINNER! i knew i wasn't supposed to... but... i couldn't resist... the temptation was too strong... it was calling me... calling... call... ca.... lolz, okay yea this afternoon after school i couldn't resist my naturally calling to down chocolate like a monster so on our way to the student lounge me, natt, ama and veron went to the bookstore and whoa before you knew it i was paying for chunks of chocolate at the counter... now i'm feeling damn sick and paying for that moment of PURE ECSTATIC SINFUL PROVOCATIVE moment of tasteful pleasure... LOL no seriously i'm feeling really sick now...
okay so here it goes... it is in EMO-NITE tonIte! TONIGHT is the night... hahaha, no seriously, see if this feels emo:
1. taken a bath and feeling nice and comfy - check
2. turned off all the lights - check
3. glow of computer dimly lights room - check
4. night glow from outside shines through window - check
5. soft sounds of traffic outside - check
6. soothing norah jones music on - check
7. snuggled up in bed under the quilt - check
8. pimple gel is on and all ready to go to bed - check
9. msn is off - check
10. having emotional turmoil of somesort - check
i have given you ten steps to follow for a nice emo-nite... it's kinda cosy in here... ;D now all i have to do is stare out of the window pointlessly and think... :D kewl huh... lolz... I HAVE NO PICTURES... once again, i feel like a loser... lazy to upload... can i do it tomorrow? i'll bring the cable to skool... lolz...
i'm feeling so horribly sick! what's the deal man?!?!?! haha(this is the part where you guys tell me to curse god and die, then i'll refuse and go down big in history... :D )
see i forgot the interesting thing i was going to type...
oh now i remember... :D hahaha, ponder on this question, how many people around you, actually think you're a loser and look down on you but they just keep quiet about it? lolz... :D
I GAINED LOADS OF BAD KARMA TODAY it's all jasmines fault, when i went out with her and yang wei tonight they got me in loads of bad karma man, this mouth of mine needs spiritual cleansing now... LOL oopz, sinner sinner me :D hahaha... anyway, i was going to say today was a really productive day, though jasmine is darned joker and stuff i'm glad i finished up some stuff and i'm also happy that i was efficient and finished up my rationale in the library! though it was freaky cuz the library at 745 is NOT sexy i tell you... :D hahaha
cheers guys, i'm going to be emo now... :D
:: izak blogged @
9:25 AM
Tuesday, July 10, 2007
lol, i haven't blogged in ages... now in history of graphic design class which is so boring... :D haha, recently been not having much sleep and been sick and stuff so been really woozy and stuff... been doing some really stupid things in public... lolz... OMG i nearly got caught blogging in class... good thing i shut the screen... :D (natt says hi :D )
embarrassing things that happened to me this week:
1. I fell asleep while standing up on the train... AGAIN... i was like happily snoozing when my knees buckled and i was like halfway on the way to the floor when i woke up just in time... think this boy standing next to me caught a glimpse... but not much too... :D
2. Drooled while standing and sleeping on the train. This is a first... it's damn stupid i tell you, i was just standing there hugging my file and dozing, mind you i didn't sleep for a really long while... so i drooled on my file then i woke up and i realised i drooled and i swear i felt this surprised look crept up on my face... -_- i wiped, looked around and tried to look innocent and insignificant... hehe....
3. Okay this is not my fault but when this train reached the station, i think it was rush hour and it was super packed and i was like leaning on the glass thingy... then this group of people wanted to go out but OBVIOUSLY there was no more space for me to squeeze back and this lady who was trying to squeeze past me growled at me... i tell you i have never seen a woman growl before in my life, let alone at such a volume... haha... -_- barbaric...
4. okay okay, no more MRT tales, yesterday i went to queensway shopping centre to get some stuff printed and i was being woozy as usual... got my stuff printed... paid... and STUPIDLY WALKED DOWN THE UPRIDING ESCALATOR... -_- times like this make we wonder where my brain is...
5. been walking around singapore with my hair unstyled and my dressing way screwed... does that count? i wanted to round up to 5... :D hhahaha
okay i'm still damn sad and depressed... things have been going way wrong... these few days didn't really get much sleep so fell sick so missed school yesterday... came back today to find that they did a whole load of stuff when i wasn't around... crap... this morning woke up later than usual cause i was bargaining for five more minutes anyway, i hadn't packed so i had to dash all over the house grabbing my stuff, we're doing our project shoot today toO! so i had to grab extra stuff so i left the house with all my barang barang... then after closing the door behind me i realise that i forgot my handphone AND my wallet... i mean, i can live without the phone but leaving the wallet at home is a big NO-NO... well, so i'm locked out of the house and i have no wallet no KEY... damn... i was like some idiot pressing the bell and knocking the door at the same time with all my stuff... plus i hadn't had time to wear my shoes so i just squished my feet in and i was holding my socks in my hand.. pathetic!!! why have i been reduced to such a low life form that even my socks mock at me!? lol so anyway i ran down to get a key from my dad downstairs and ran up again... AND I'M SICK, i shouldn't be running when i'm sick! i'll get a heart attack and die!
bleah... and i'm wearing my polka dot socks too... i feel so jinxed...
i can't stand history of graphic design, it's like the exercise channel can, we're like all standing up everytime he changes slides to catch a glimpse of the caption... see this is the reason why TP students have big thighs... 1)we have tonnes of staircases to climb all over the place 2)we do kallang wave everyday in class...
*sniff* i'm damn sick i tell you i'm damn sick *sniff*
this is not a typical post, izak usually puts up pictures but since he's blogging on the school computer and has no cable, he's not able to post up pictures... so he's talking a whole lot but it's not his fault cause there's no cable... but he already mentioned that there's no cable so i guess you get the picture that there's no cable so he can't post up the pics... :D not that he has any pics to post up anyway... ahaha...
:: izak blogged @
6:16 PM
Sunday, July 8, 2007
hi i haven't slept in two days... go figure
:: izak blogged @
12:02 PM
Friday, July 6, 2007
today i wake up with a sinking feeling in my gut, a churning sensation in my stomach, i can feel the eyebags tugging on my eyes even though i probably got ten hours of sleep. i poke myself and i can't feel a thing... not really, but i feel numb as a chewing gum... why is it that i have so little energy when i had so much sleep...
had breakfast, felt great about breakfast, it's one of the little joys left in my life - chocolate sara lee cake... :D yum... i washed my face, but i think i have to be resigned to the pimples for now...
LIFE GOES ON. even if i feel like a marshmallow, the deadline for my drawing essentials project will not change, it still is on monday and i still have get down there and do what i have to do. I will just have to get my butt down there and get going with all i have to do!
being able to hear every step that you take when walking... every one taken is hard but i don't know why... haha...
oh my God, i just want to curl up in my bed forever.... :D
:: izak blogged @
9:46 PM
Wednesday, July 4, 2007
NOBODY LOVES ME ANYMORRRREEE... :D
hahaha, it's seriously true, all my friends hate me, i'm so sure that they don't wanna talk to me and they think i'm boring and stupid and that i have an EVIL heart.
okay anyway, since you all don't love me anymore, i'll devote my life to something that will always love me... :D... FOOD!!! :D haha more chocolatish babes for ya ;D.
1. CHOCOLATE MILK better be good for the skin... :P
2. CHOCOLATE CAKE commemorating my first time stepping into ITAS canteen
3. CHOCOLATE POCKY is a great way to fill that morning emptiness... :D
4. CHOCOLATE CREAM PIE from heaven! :D
5. CHOCOLATE CORNETTE ice cream, for when you're too poor to buy magnum :D
as a result of eating so much chocolates over the weekend i now officially have a double chin... :D thanks for all the memories, but i think this is where i bid my skinny jeans goodbye FOREVER, i am going to evolve into a FAT PIG.
woot, i wore a cap to school today, kinda happy that it didn't cause serious itching till quite late in the night... :D hahaha... i was declaring to everyone how happy i was that if i didn't want to see a certain person i could simply look down and my cap would just cover everything... :D haha it's a really great thing, seriously, sometimes on some days, i don't want to see ANYBODY... :D hahaha yea...
went for dsc subcomm interview... :D went well, waited in the room with desiree and yang wei... :D funness ;D hahaha... anyway i think that i'm a crazy looney if i think i can take another camp for the second week running... i'm gonna seriously reconsider going for subcomm cuz i'm so sick and tired of "GO GO FIGHT FIGHT"
hahaha... :D
i flaunt my pimples! :D
:: izak blogged @
8:04 AM
Sunday, July 1, 2007
:D I developed a small ulcer on my cheek... no thanks to the FOUR HEAVENLY KINGS as mentioned before, haha but then it's an old ulcer luhhh :D hahaha... Today was a pretty good day i guess... actually it went pretty bad and i was trying to tell myself to be joyful and happy but then my spirits just weren't up..> :D
listening to liu geng hong's <> the one he sang when he proposed to his girlfriend... coolness... very touching song... :D i don't know why i'm getting touched by every little thing nowadays...
thanks to 2 of my friend who showed their LOVE for me even though they may not know it, i was so touched luhh... there, DO NOT underestimate the power of ur LOVE children :D hahaha.. that's all four today... i found another heavenly king... it's my CHOCOLATE CORNETTE ICE CREAM but then i too lazy to post up the pic... so will... post it up another day... :D taaa
:: izak blogged @
7:12 AM
