you know there are those moments when you just feel so so so alone and there's only you and you alone? there are sometimes when these moments are so lonely and yet there are times when you just feel they're so peaceful, or when you see a picture or listen to a song and you just feel so at peace...
it's like walking next to a busy road or going to the beach yourself, it's like staring out of your window from your dark room and just staring at the world go by... many a time it's when we're in these moments you just feel that the world stops spinning for a moment and you're not living for anyone or anything and you just exist for existence's sake, u don't worry for tomorrow or what you did today, the road is just a road, a tree is just a tree, they're just what they are everything is just what it is. There's nothing behind the picture, there's no essence or abstract representation, there's no hidden purpose, it is what it is...
this brain, if you come to think of it is not necessarily at our control, you see something, you think something, it's just an automatic thing. You see, you always thought, 'i am in control' and then you realise that you're not and you break down and you feel so broken down when ur brain says, 'no, i want to do this' and your will says, 'i need to do this' and you're such a mess inside... your heart sinks to your stomach you just feel drifty and light, like you're on anasthesia, you feel giddy and weak...
sometimes when we want something so bad, but we can't have it, we turn around and try to make ourselves bigger than it, better than it and so we can say we're too good for it, "i'm too good for this bag", "i'm too good for this lifestyle", "i'm too good for this girl/boy"...
i am feeling like i'm in an 'alone' moment but then i'm not sure if it's good or bad, i realised i'm NOT in control and i find i want something, bad bad bad, but trying to make myself out to be too good for it is too much to bear, it's not painful, it's numbing, i'm making myself something else, you know? like you cover up something and it becomes bigger and bigger? yea, like that... -_- hates -_-
:: izak blogged @
8:20 AM
DisClaimer
wonders about plastic surgery...
is it painful?
is it like smashing ur face in a wall?
desires nose job
:P
The One & ONLI
17 years old
wonders about confusion...
complication...
and the complex stuff in life...
wonders about acne too...
:P
you?
